Several years ago, I started posting every day in November messages of gratitude. While I am cognizant other people mostly see me as a positive person, and I’ve been referred to by clients as “little miss sunshine” and “hippie/peace-loving therapist”…. lovingly, I’m sure….. my outside persona has not and does not always fit what is stirring inside of me. That scary, dark place as it has been referred to by a dear friend. As life ebbs and flows, my mindset does as well. And while I believe this is part of the human condition, I also know from decades of clinical practice, we cling much more readily to negativity than we do to positivity, or in this specific example of humanity, gratitude.
When I started this practice, I was at a crossroads, a tipping point, a shift where I was almost buying into the belief system that I needed to be happy in order to feel grateful. Sure, on Thanksgiving, like the rest of the US population, and in my prayers, I would be able to conger up a few ancillary items for which I was thankful, but was I really a grateful person? Really? Was I a fake?
More concerning with this logic is the flawed sense of permission I was giving myself to not be grateful because I wasn’t happy and my life as it wasn’t filled with the commercialized ideal of happiness I was inundated with no matter how much I tried to resist it. You know the list….. I’ll be happy when:
I have a bigger house
I have more money
I lose weight
I can fit into that “insert item”
I can run a “x” minute mile
I have …….
I am …….
I ……..
Truth is….none of that is necessary for gratitude, which authentically sets the framework for a happy life. None of it is necessary. When we are aiming for happiness in the superficial, we are in essence building our home on quicksand. Happiness is fleeting. It is here for a moment, and then gone. But gratitude, being thankful for the gifts of life- the true gifts of being in a beautiful moment in time, and expressing our gratitude and kindness towards others, that is sustainable and real and genuine.
While November is my outward example and reminder to show others the practice, it is truly something that I practice the entire year. Yes! Gratitude is important beyond the month also known as “Thanksgiving” or that other holiday that seems to be forgotten before Christmas or Hanukkah. Who knew?
So how does one cultivate this practice? Truly it is a practice.
My conversation in my head looks like this: I’ll be happy when…
I have a bigger house. Auto Correct: I am GRATEFUL for having a roof over my head, and for the knowledge that it is by grace that I don’t know homelessness or despair.
I have more money. Auto Correct: I am GRATEFUL for having enough, and for the knowledge that money does not buy me happiness. Some of the greatest joy I haven known, have cost me exactly $0. Hearing beautiful music, walking in the forest, feeling the sunshine on my skin, and looking into the eyes of my children…. bliss. More money, begets more things and more things create clutter in my already very active brain and life. I have enough, and I am grateful.
I lose weight. Auto Correct: I am GRATEFUL I have enough food to eat, and have never known hunger. And although I am not at the point where it doesn’t affect me at all, I am practicing saying I am enough, exactly at the weight I am. I am strong. I eat healthy. And one day I will wholeheartedly believe those words. And continue to work on refusing to define my worthiness by what the scale reads. Ugh. This one is hard. It’s a work in progress. But I refuse to define my worth by what numbers I read on the scale. I am enough. I am grateful.
I fit into that “insert item.” Auto Correct: Yoga pants, bikini, fitted dress. I have a laundry list. I am GRATEFUL I have acquired a variety of sizes in my life, and have the ability to donate clothes that no longer fit my style (or yes, size) to others who can use them. Yes. I donated 3 bags filled! I am grateful.
I run “x” minute mile. I am GRATEFUL for the 5 marathons and over a dozen half and other distances I have run. I am grateful my body enabled me to get to the finish line, and my brain stayed with my body when I wanted to quit. I no longer assess my self-worth by whether I run a 10 minute or longer mile vs a 8 minute mile. I spent years really thinking if I ran faster, somehow it would change my life. Truth, NO ONE CARES. So why did I spend so much time focusing on it?
I have….. For me material goods have never been a huge motivator in my life. And I am GRATEFUL! It isn’t so much of a mind shift as an acknowledgment that it’s ok that I don’t subscribe to the consumerism that our culture promotes. I don’t know the trendiest purses, or make up lines, or shoes, or….. and for some time I thought there was something wrong we me, what female in our culture doesn’t know all of that stuff? Me. I am GRATEFUL, for ignorance in this….
I am…. enough. I am GRATEFUL, while there is still so much I want to learn and experience and become, today I am grateful I am enough. Exactly the way I am, I am enough.
I …..am GRATEFUL. For the blessings in my life. Both answered and unanswered prayers. Often really for the unanswered ones, I’ve learned the most. For quiet moments when my mind is still. For seeing the beauty in the simple – and content in pure moments of peace. For not always getting my way, and for learning to voice my opinion when it really matters, and learn to compromise when it’s necessary or needed or I must. For sharing in the struggle and the progress of so many trusting clients…. for being in their sacred space. For the love my family shows me, and for my learning to allow my faults to be seen (often in a public forum!) and the confidence to no longer be consumed with presenting an image that is acceptable to others….for learning to just be myself. I am GRATEFUL for the work I’ve done and the work that remains….as there is still life to be LIVED!
Phew…see….. easy. We can all stay “stuck” in the search for happiness….. but I challenge you, look inside….spend some moments, daily….looking around for all that you have to be grateful for in your life.
If you are reading this blog, if you have a laptop or desktop, if you have a roof over your head, ate too much, too warm…. you have much to be GRATEFUL for tonight.
Peace…. and all the best on your journey of practicing gratitude….
I run “x” minute mile. I am GRATEFUL for the 5 marathons and over a dozen half and other distances I have run. I am grateful my body enabled me to get to the finish line, and my brain stayed with my body when I wanted to quit. I no longer assess my self-worth by whether I run a 10 minute or longer mile vs a 8 minute mile. I spent years really thinking if I ran faster, somehow it would change my life. Truth, NO ONE CARES. So why did I spend so much time focusing on it?
I have….. For me material goods have never been a huge motivator in my life. And I am GRATEFUL! It isn’t so much of a mind shift as an acknowledgment that it’s ok that I don’t subscribe to the consumerism that our culture promotes. I don’t know the trendiest purses, or make up lines, or shoes, or….. and for some time I thought there was something wrong we me, what female in our culture doesn’t know all of that stuff? Me. I am GRATEFUL, for ignorance in this….
I am…. enough. I am GRATEFUL, while there is still so much I want to learn and experience and become, today I am grateful I am enough. Exactly the way I am, I am enough.
I …..am GRATEFUL. For the blessings in my life. Both answered and unanswered prayers. Often really for the unanswered ones, I’ve learned the most. For quiet moments when my mind is still. For seeing the beauty in the simple – and content in pure moments of peace. For not always getting my way, and for learning to voice my opinion when it really matters, and learn to compromise when it’s necessary or needed or I must. For sharing in the struggle and the progress of so many trusting clients…. for being in their sacred space. For the love my family shows me, and for my learning to allow my faults to be seen (often in a public forum!) and the confidence to no longer be consumed with presenting an image that is acceptable to others….for learning to just be myself. I am GRATEFUL for the work I’ve done and the work that remains….as there is still life to be LIVED!
Phew…see….. easy. We can all stay “stuck” in the search for happiness….. but I challenge you, look inside….spend some moments, daily….looking around for all that you have to be grateful for in your life.
If you are reading this blog, if you have a laptop or desktop, if you have a roof over your head, ate too much, too warm…. you have much to be GRATEFUL for tonight.
Peace…. and all the best on your journey of practicing gratitude….
I run “x” minute mile. I am GRATEFUL for the 5 marathons and over a dozen half and other distances I have run. I am grateful my body enabled me to get to the finish line, and my brain stayed with my body when I wanted to quit. I no longer assess my self-worth by whether I run a 10 minute or longer mile vs a 8 minute mile. I spent years really thinking if I ran faster, somehow it would change my life. Truth, NO ONE CARES. So why did I spend so much time focusing on it?
I have….. For me material goods have never been a huge motivator in my life. And I am GRATEFUL! It isn’t so much of a mind shift as an acknowledgment that it’s ok that I don’t subscribe to the consumerism that our culture promotes. I don’t know the trendiest purses, or make up lines, or shoes, or….. and for some time I thought there was something wrong we me, what female in our culture doesn’t know all of that stuff? Me. I am GRATEFUL, for ignorance in this….
I am…. enough. I am GRATEFUL, while there is still so much I want to learn and experience and become, today I am grateful I am enough. Exactly the way I am, I am enough.
I …..am GRATEFUL. For the blessings in my life. Both answered and unanswered prayers. Often really for the unanswered ones, I’ve learned the most. For quiet moments when my mind is still. For seeing the beauty in the simple – and content in pure moments of peace. For not always getting my way, and for learning to voice my opinion when it really matters, and learn to compromise when it’s necessary or needed or I must. For sharing in the struggle and the progress of so many trusting clients…. for being in their sacred space. For the love my family shows me, and for my learning to allow my faults to be seen (often in a public forum!) and the confidence to no longer be consumed with presenting an image that is acceptable to others….for learning to just be myself. I am GRATEFUL for the work I’ve done and the work that remains….as there is still life to be LIVED!
Phew…see….. easy. We can all stay “stuck” in the search for happiness….. but I challenge you, look inside….spend some moments, daily….looking around for all that you have to be grateful for in your life.
If you are reading this blog, if you have a laptop or desktop, if you have a roof over your head, ate too much, too warm…. you have much to be GRATEFUL for tonight.
Peace…. and all the best on your journey of practicing gratitude….